what to do if your heartbroken

hey everybody, mat boggs here and today i’mgoing to answer a question that was sent in from a woman named carol. and carol writes,“i am terrified about getting into a relationship.” carol, i know how you feel. she says, “i’mfeeling fear of making a bad choice and going through the pain of a breakup again. it tookso long to get over it and i don’t want to go through that again.” carol, i feelyou, girl. i know exactly what you’re talking about, and for those of you who are watchingthis video, i’m sure you’ve had this experience. so i think we can agree that emotional painis the worst kind of pain there is. i mean, i’ve played college sports, had bad injuries,had surgery, and no physical pain compared to the worst emotional pain that i was experiencing.i can remember wanting to marry my girlfriend

at the time – this was years ago – andall of a sudden, one day she just stopped calling and she up and vanished and i hadno idea what happened. i had no idea what i did wrong. it wasn’t until six weeks laterthat she actually contacted me. i didn’t know if she was dead, i didn’t know whatwas going on, and it was the most anguished, painful breakup that i ever experienced inmy life. so, carol, i get it. i understand. so here’s the deal when it comes to painand relationships. we have to accept the fact that when it comes to relationships, inherently,there are risks. carol, you’re thinking that you’re picker’s broken, like you’renot trusting yourself for picking a right guy. well, let me just say there is alwaysa risk involved in relationships. but the

good news is that the risk is built in, thatthe challenge is built in because it’s how we grow as human beings. and we are put hereto expand our capacity to give and receive love. we’re put here to grow ourselves andhuman beings. you know, if you say, “gosh, fear is keepingme from getting me into the relationship that i want,” what you want to remind yourselfof is, “you know what? there is no escaping pain in relationships.” you actually wantto make friends with the fear. you want to make friends with the pain because that’show we grow. when you get into a relationship, there is going to be challenge. if you meeta guy and it’s amazing and you get married, there is going to be challenge later on, believeme. that’s why relationships are so fantastic,

because they are the avenue thought which,i believe, is the greatest opportunity to grow – to grow ourselves, to grow our courage,to grow our bravery, to grow our communication, to grow our compassion, to grow our patience,right? they’re how we grow and make ourselves better as human beings.so number one is to realize that you are resilient. you are powerful and no breakup that you gothrough in the future is going to kill you. instead, embrace the situation. embrace thechallenge as an opportunity to learn and grow – that risk in and of itself, that failure,doesn’t mean that you’re a failure. it just means that it’s feedback, that thatmistake, “okay, what can i learn from this and how can i grow?” so that is step numberone. it’s to realize that all relationships

carry risk with them but you are more powerful,stronger, and resilient than any risk that you’re facing.and number two is that in your question you talked about that you don’t trust yourself.well, i want to challenge that belief because i bet that if you actually go back and youlook at that relationship or you look at the guys that you’ve been picking that haven’tworked out, i bet that your intuition, there was a still, small voice that somewhere alongthe line said, “don’t go for that guy,” like, “big red flag! hello! he doesn’tkeep his word! hello!” like your intuition is telling you that you shouldn’t move forwardwith this guy and the chances are that you heard it but ignored it and moved forwardanyway. so it’s not that you don’t trust

yourself, it’s that you’re not listeningto yourself. so, as you begin to listen to yourself andtrust that intuition, we call it being moved by the feather’s touch because that voiceof intuition is often quiet. it’s subtle, it’s soft. but if you don’t listen tothat voice of intuition that that feather’s touch can become a 2x4, right? or that lifecan give us feedback and that 2x4 can become a semi truck, and that’s when we’re onour knees, wailing, crying, in pain at the end of a destructive relationship, right?so be moved by the feather’s touch. listen to you intuition and give yourself the permissionto grow and the permission to risk again, because if you want the relationship thatlights you up, you’re going to have to risk.

you’re going to have to get in the gameof love rather than just watching it from the sidelines.so for you, carol, i hope this serves you. for everyone watching, if you’ve ever doubtedyourself or not trusted yourself, shift that to, “no, i do trust myself. i just needto listen to myself more,” and it will greatly serve you in your life and in your relationships.so if you have a question that you would love some guidance and support on, go ahead andpost it right below here in the description and we’ll be taking on questions and givingyou advice and guidance. and, as always, there’s also a link in the description of this videofor additional resources that will help you expand the love in your life. and finally,if you’re not subscribed to this channel,

make sure that you get subscribed so thatyou will get the latest and greatest videos. thanks so much for watching. i appreciateyou. i look forward to talking to you soon.