broken relationship

hey guys! welcome to my home this is a bit of a different change of setting i know... i'm usually posting up videos where i'm in weird and crazy locations with crazy people in the background. that this is my home so i wanted to try out something different. if you do like it make sure to leave a like in the thing below, if you don't like it

below, if you don't have an opinion either way make sure to leave a like and the thing below. yeah! so more and more people i'm finding are learning to settle in their relationships and what i mean by settling is that they get to a point and they don't want to be disappointed but they don't want to be too disappointed

so they decide it's easier to stay in a relationship rather than working on it... and the more i meet people and the more i find more about people it's very interesting to see that there's this common situation that happens. they get into a relationship with someone either whatever form (it is i don't really mind for this purpose of this conversation).

...and after a while what tends to happen is they have a certain expectation of what they want in a relationship... like they... they expect or they hope that relationship might make them feel happy (which to me that's the most obvious thing) but they also want a relationship in order to feel happy they might need to have time with that

person or they might need, you know, gifts or whatever that person needs to feel happy but unfortunately over time what happens is that they don't get that from their partner and so then they start looking elsewhere and they start just assuming that maybe it's ok not to get that from my partner and i speak this because it is a common situation. so for

example: if you're seeing a guy who might need space you might then realize hey maybe maybe wait a second he needs space so i just need to move away from him and then that doesn't make you happy because in the end what you want is you want to feel like that connection and to share his space to feel connected. another example might be

that, you know, you want to be able to share something with your loved ones and if you don't get that time to express that with them then you don't feel loved or you don't feel that there's that strong connection but here on the other hand might feel that every time you want to tell him everything that you love about what's happening in

today he might not necessarily feel that that's really supportive of him because he's got some job or he's got some sense of independence that is holding onto so in the end you learn not to do those things to make him happy but then that doesn't make you happy... and there's two ends of the spectrum here. the first end of the spectrum is, you know what, it's

always really good to go into a relationship and to learn about the other person and to learn that maybe there's a way that if you were to see the world from his eyes, that you could learn something new and it would be really fun amazing... but on the other hand there's the other end of the spectrum and i always refer to this as a

"beautiful tension" we're more often than not this true seemingly inconsistent ideas or ideas that contradict each other but when you put them together they kind of rub together and make this beautiful friction and that's where the sweet spot is. in one end of the spectrum we have we could learn something new about someone else and learn about

yourself... on the other end of the spectrum,... we have way you need to feel like you're loved. where you need to feel that sense of connection and if you don't get that that's not going to make you happy. now i know like you know i've written an article about this as well link in the description but i know that

you know in order to make a guy feel happy you need to make him feel like a man, you need to make you feel like protector, but if you're not feeling protected, if you're not feeling that sense of love you need to fill your cup first essentially. like, you can't try and help someone else unless you actually feel help and you actually feel loved.

so, if you're not feeling like you're in a relationship right now that is making you feel that way, ask yourself the question and i also someone like change their way of thinking. if you had a friend who was going for the olympics... would you tell them a would a "hey, go for the olympics!!rtrain everyday work hard at it

and get the best results you can!" or would you say "hey maybe you shouldn't train for the olympics because maybe you might get disappointed..." because that's the mindset that actually happens. if you're in a position where you're sacrificing what makes you feel love for the other person... that's just because and this is not for everyone but for most people

it's like this... that's just because that it's too easy to be disappointed and so we just never try or if we were to ever actually put ourselves in a situation where we might get what we want things might change and we're not used to it, because there's this, again, there's two ends of that spectrum. and i want to give you now one quick thing

that you can do to your relationship which should set it on the right part... because if you're not feeling that love and you're starting to retreat and you're starting to affect your behavior what's gonna happen is that's gonna manifest in weird ways and some people might look at this and say "hey! you know this is not really a big deal for me..." but

if you're watching this and you're even saying that this isn't a big deal like if you're still watching at this point then maybe there's a bit of a deal if you're someone who's just learning that's cool like you know look at me dance with me dance with me dance! *dances* you can dance if you want to you can leave your friends behind... and if they don't dance and,

if they don't dance... then they're no friends of mine!so here's one thing you can do and it's incredibly important to learn this properly but you need to discuss your feelings some people might say hey but you know my feelings don't matter i'm in a relationship shouldn't be compromised? all that kind of stuff! never think

compromise, always think win-win! if you're happy and they're happy then that's amazing that's 10 times better than if you're half as happy and they're half as happy... but how you discuss your feelings is in a particular way and that's what we call and "i statement" and i statement is when you tell them how you feel

not what they're doing and i think i've mentioned this before in other videos but this is incredibly important. it's one of the simplest ways of speaking that really gets the point across and again this is not any kind of manipulation this is what you will naturally do in a situation where you're actually feeling really stressed... you will talk about

your feelings and to those people again who don't feel like their feelings are worth something. did you know that you mentally process pain like physical pain in the same way that you process emotional pain? so, maybe just maybe, your emotions are actually worth something or worth discussing. so, with the example if you need to feel

like you're loved in a relationship you need to share with that guy every day what you're discussing or at least have the option to share with him and like celebrate with him, what you might want to say is like sitting down and say "hey i'm just feeling that... i'm unhappy" and be like "why" anyway like "well in this situation what i'm feeling

is that i don't have the option of discussing with you things." "well, you can talk to me anytime you want." "that's okay" and that this is called holding the frame now, i'm throwing in some extra things is all very important.. it's all very nuanced, when you hold your frame and come back to the i statement because if he reacts

that's okay but that's not what we're on about you know you don't wanna get caught in the argument you want to discuss what you're actually want to discuss... so the i statement then you say "that's okay i know that that's what you're doing but if you still do that it still makes me feel this way... so what can we do about it?" and that

question what can we do about it you're not forcing any ideas in his head you're actually suggesting an alternative and he might come up, with something well he might even say something you've never even heard of which is even better. in that situation hey can be like "okay well i didn't even realize that you felt this way

maybe we can do x y." said if he still hasn't actually come to that conclusion yet or whatever it might still go away might defend himself that's okay. in that defensive situation you might say something like "well! you never do this!!!!!!!!!" because that's how the ego work, you know, if the first step is like we we want to attack the person who's

attacking us and we want to say that other people are doing it this way and we said we're not doing it. regardless of always in like all these reactions you need to hold that frame and come back to the i statement. so, if he then reacts it's like "well you you know you never do this for me!""it's okay, i understand that i never do this for you but this is how i

feel right now and i i'm unhappy and i would like things, i want to work things for the better..." and the frame again just a little extra seed this... this is all like... i'm going on a rant now... this is completely more than just one thing and i don't really care for me this is all real. this is actually how you, this is actually how it works. i'm i don't really

care about marketing stuff, i want to give you what works... and if you want to work with me then that's okay too. the key here then is you come from the frame of you don't want to change things you want to improve things. so, what you're looking at is the future of your relationship you're looking at next year you're looking at the year

after and so you're coming from that wholesome frame and some people i know especially with especial when they're arguing with their partner... what they want to do is they want to revert... they want to revert back to how it used to be and that's that is you know it's nice to know what used to be but things change, people change, like

look at me i'm making a video in my own home...... like..... you know..... like my beard grows... like, things changed our fight it! just accept that it's part of the motion and that's like part of the fun in life. the frame you can come from you're saying....hey! this is the future, this is what i want, it's like, "well then, if that's the case like i know maybe i haven't communicated

as well that's completely ok but in the future i want to feel this way in a relationship and it would really make me happy in if i was to feel this way so what can we do about it?" and you keep coming back to that! anyway! if you're in this position please comment below or whatever. if you're interested in further coaching, because this is something i

don't actually talk about a lot, but coaching is actually really important, like the richard branson also has a coach? richard branson's coach tells him to like sit in his room for an hour, just like, because he's like always buzzing from the world. but... coaching is one of those things actually changed my life and it's one of those things that i'm

offering now. i do have this thing called the academy but as well like you can always email me directly (harvey@gethimhooked.com) emails in the description below because what i want to do is be a support... because i find in a situation a lot of problems happen because we end up sabotaging ourselves, you know, a lot of people don't want it to go in a particular way and so they

go down that particular direction and then, they you, know they're afraid of someone cheating then they cause that guy to cheat because of their behaviour. or, they're just lacking the self confidence in that situation they don't know how to act and so what's been amazing for me is having that support and so that's what i'm offering as well, is that support if

you need it i'm there for you and it would be like a weekly thing or every two weeks thing... where we chatting we discuss what's actually going on in your life particularly with your relationships because people don't understand but there are three phases to any relationship... there's meeting the guy,

there's like hooking him let's get him hooked and then there's actually creating explosive relationships and this video here it's kind of part that realm is creating a relationship, that actually fulfills you but if you're anywhere on that spectrum because i know now i've coached people who don't, who

are so shy that they can't even accept the compliment and now all of a sudden going on crazy dates or you know they're also all of a sudden going on crazy dates and meeting all these amazing guys but none of them are actually sticking around because, you know ,one reason or another or they're in a relationship and they want to take it to the next level. they

want to potentially get married or at least have the option of that and there's all these fears and stop holding them back and so all thouse spectrums are so incredibly important but if you're actually let me know email and description below... global! if you're in melbourne i'm gonna be offering something very specific because that's

where i'm based right now of this video, only right now be prepared and yeah make sure to subscribe for life and love and how the two come together and *kisses* see you next video harvey out