how to fix broken relationship

hey, it’s brad browning here and i’m amarriage and breakup expert from vancouver, canada. and in this video, i’m going toteach you how to prevent separation or divorce and save your marriage. this is obviouslygoing to be a huge topic and i’m going to cover as much as i can in this video. so sittight and be sure to watch this entire clip, because i’m going to teach you things thatmost couples will never know about building a loving marriage. first of all, let me tell you who this videois for. this video is for people whose husband or wife announced that they’re no longerhappy in their marriage. you may have heard painful things like, “i’m just not happyanymore”, “i don’t love you”, or “i’m

leaving you.” or, maybe they’ve alreadyleft you. no matter the case, i know how extremely difficult, stressful, and heartbreaking thissituation is… and i know how hopeless you might feel at this very moment. so i’m goingto start off this long video by telling you that there is light at the end of this longtunnel. with the proper guidance, help, and attitude, it is possible to turn your marriagearound despite how adamant your spouse may be on divorce. i know this because i’veseen thousands of so called “hopeless” couples turn it around – and i know exactlyhow they did it. with that being said, rebuilding a brokenmarriage is a rocky road. sometimes, things can get a little worse before they get better,and it takes a lot of devotion on your part

to make things better. however, i promiseyou that if you watch this whole video and follow my advice very closely, you’ll havethe best chance possible of rebuilding that marriage you and your spouse deserve. but before i get into what to do to save yourmarriage, i first need to tell you about what not to do. the vast majority of married couplesthat i coach commit almost all of these very damaging mistakes. and i know that some ofyou might be in a situation where your spouse isn’t willing to work on the marriage, butin a minute, i’ll tell you why that’s okay, and why it’s even more important foryou to learn these common mistakes before you go down the road of rebuilding a newer,happier marriage.

some of this stuff you may already know, butit’s important to remember these mistakes before you cause any further damage to yourmarriage – and these are tips that will have an immediate impact on your relationship. i like to call these mistakes my “big maritalmistakes”. big marital mistakes #1 – initiating needlessconflict with your spouse. when you’re trying to fix a broken marriage and you’re feelingdesperate, chances are things can spiral out of control very easily… (and i think youknow what i’m talking about). you think that if you could just talk to your spouseabout all your problems and find common ground, your marriage will magically fix itself andget better. but usually, this isn’t the

case. while communicating with your spouse is importantin rebuilding a marriage, what your marriage does not need right now is another argumentor fight. even if your partner says something antagonizing or wants to bring up a touchysticky issue at the moment, do your best to avoid conflict politely. don’t ignore yourspouse or discount any of their concerns, but you need to ensure that the discussiondoesn’t end up in a screaming match. you can say something along the lines of, “iknow this is a real concern right now and i want to resolve this issue, but can we discussthis later?” try and be as non-confrontational as possible– at least for now – until you learn how

you can manage how to handle your argumentslater. i’ll get to what i call my “dispute defusing system” later in this video. ifyou have any questions or concerns about this common mistake, please be sure to ask questionsin the comments section below. i’ll do my very best to get back to you as soon as ican. the second “big marital mistake” is beggingand pleading, or being highly emotional. especially in public. i know that when emotions are runningrampant, people tend to say or do things that they’ll inevitably regret. i’m sure youknow exactly what i’m talking about. at certain times, your spouse may say or do thingsthat will make you feel angry, upset, or saddened, you must do your very best to control youremotions. showing these negative emotions

will only make matters worse – and unfortunately,doing so will only help you sign those divorce papers even sooner. so for now, it’s extremelyimportant to try and remain calm and live to fight another day. “big marital mistake” #3 – making drasticchanges to your life or habits. when your marriage is in a rut, it can affect your lifeimmensely. your work or school suddenly takes the back seat, and in some cases, so doesyour health and nutrition. but for the time being, you must retain a sense of normalcywhenever possible. if you begin floundering in life, then i can guarantee you that yourmarriage will begin floundering even more. after all, nobody wants a spouse who’s alwaysdepressed, angry, or in ruins.

show how confident, strong, and bold you areby showing the world that nothing can faze you. by doing so, you’ll not only appearmuch more attractive to your spouse, but you’ll also ensure that you don’t damage yourselfany further. “big marital mistake” #4 – nagging atyour spouse. this is similar to mistake #1. you’ll want to avoid any sort of confrontationwhenever possible. it’s normal to be annoyed at your spouse every once in awhile – butwhen your marriage is in trouble, small confrontations can easily lead to larger ones, and the lastthing you need at this point is another pointless argument about nothing. the next time your spouse does something thatannoys you, hold it in. this is the time when

you can start fixing your marriage on yourown. in my free, video presentation on my website, i’ll teach you how you can changeyour spouse’s behavior without nagging at him or her. for more information on how todo this, just go to www.marriageguy.com and watch the free video presentation on thatwebsite. that’s www.marriageguy.com. and finally, “big marital mistake” #5– being negative all the time. i know it might sound like a bunch of bs, but havinga positive attitude can make a world of difference – not only in your marriage, but in lifein general. it’s been scientifically proven that positive thinking can reduce stress,lower depression, and better equip you to cope with hardships. not only this, but thinkingpositively actually makes you more of an attractive

person to be around – and this has alsobeen scientifically proven. in times of great distress, like being in a rocky marriage forexample, people tend to get pessimistic. after all, when the love of your life starts sayinghurtful things to you, it’s easy for you to take all that misplaced anger quite literally.but instead of internalizing all of this into negativity, force yourself to look at thingsdifferently. remember, every single marriage goes throughups and downs – but the strong couples always seem to have an extremely positive attitudewhen handling arguments and conflict. (break) of course, this isn’t an exhaustive listof marital mistakes, so if you want to learn

more about exactly what not to do in yourmarriage, then again, just go to marriageguy.com and watch the free video presentation on thatwebsite. again, the url is marriageguy.com. now that we have an outline on what not todo in your marriage, we can begin talking about some of the things you can do to fixyour marriage. again, for a topic this large, i won’t be able to cover every single issueor concern you might have, so if you have a question you’re dying to ask, please feelfree to comment below and ask me a question. i do a pretty good job of getting back toeveryone, so please, shoot me a question in the comments section below. although the list of marital problems is seeminglyendless, there are several core issues that

all marriages face. for example, at some pointin time, both spouses will disagree on an issue and a discussion will take place. theseserious discussions can sometimes escalate into full-blown wars. i call these types ofarguments mma’s (no, this doesn’t stand for mixed martial arts, but sometimes thesetypes of arguments can look like an anderson silva bout)… what mma actually stands forhere is “marriage murdering arguments.” mma’s are what rip marriages apart… andto be honest, mma’s aren’t always preventable, so it’s important to learn how you can handlea serious argument as well as learn how to prevent them. this is where my patented “dispute defusingsystem” comes in…but before i get into

explaining it, i first have to say that argumentsare completely normal and healthy in a relationship. you’re never going to completely eliminatedisagreements. in fact, the occasional argument here and there can actually be quite productive,and depending on how you handle the argument, it can tie you and your spouse closer together!in this section of the video, i’ll explain the best way to handle your arguments withyour spouse: dispute defusing tactic #1 – let go of thedesire to always be “right”. i know, i know… you are always right. i get it! somepeople have such a strong desire to always be right, but in a marriage, no one personis always right. and letting go of this constant desire to always be right is the first stepin my dispute defusing system. see, when you

and your spouse are in a marriage murderingargument, there are no winners. you both lose because neither of you are getting your wayand feelings are getting hurt in the process. even if you think you’ve won the fight,the satisfaction is fleeting, and knowing that you hurt your partner just makes theargument feel pointless. learning how to let go of the desire to “beright” is going to be a real test for some of you – but here’s a quick little exercisefor you. the next time you’re about to get into a big argument with somebody (it doesn’thave to be your spouse), try and bite your tongue. try and willingly admit that the otherperson is right even though you don’t feel that way. i promise you that if learn to justlet go of the desire to always be right, you’ll

reduce your “mma frequency” and you’llbe well on your way to improving your relationship with your spouse. dispute defusing tactic #2 – learn to takebreaks from arguments. when a huge argument is simply unavoidable, you need to learn howto control its temperament so they don’t turn into full-blown mma’s. one of the bestways to do this is to take frequent breaks during an argument. you can do this by tellingyour spouse that during the argument that you’d like to take a moment to cool downbefore continuing the argument. don’t simply just leave and don’t ignore your spouse,just politely say that you need a moment to burn off some steam.

one of the best practices contradicts a popularlyheld belief… have you ever heard the saying, “the secret to a good marriage is to nevergo to bed angry?” well, unfortunately i’m going to have to say that that advice is abunch of bs. sometimes if an argument remains unresolved, going to bed angry and approachingit with a fresh and rational mindset the morning after is exactly what it needs. you’ll oftenfind that, the next day, the argument wasn’t such a big deal and you’ll allow the situationto blow over. dispute defusing tactic #3 – learn to conductarguments with respect. of course, i don’t need to say this but you can’t resort toname-calling during an argument. this is a no brainer. but there are a few other thingsyou can do during an argument that will make

them much more productive and respectful.for example, start using the word “i” instead of “you” during an argument. sayyou’re trying to tell your spouse that you hate it when they’re constantly late forthings. instead of saying, “you’re always the reason why we’re late,” say somethingalong the lines of, “i think we should try and do our best to leave a little earlier.”really think about those two statements for a minute – one sounds a lot less respectfulthan the other, doesn’t it? by making small little shifts here and there, you’ll beable to transform the way you communicate with your spouse… and you’ll find thatyour spouse will start treating you with the same level of respect in return.

by the way, is any of the stuff helpful? again,if you’re confused about my dispute defusing system, feel free to ask a question in thecomments section below. dispute defusing tactic #4 – use humor duringthe argument. now, you have to be careful with this one…but injecting some well-timedhumour can de-escalate or avoid a potential argument quite effectively. take the lastexample i used… instead of saying something like, “you’re always the reason why we’relate.” you could say something along the lines of, “honey, if we were any more late,we’d have to take a pregnancy test.” i know, that was a pretty awful joke… i’msorry, but you get my drift. using humour at the right time can send the right messagewithout you looking like a complete jerk.

these four tactics are only just brief previewof my dispute defusing system. if you want to learn more about my dispute defusing system,simply head over to marriageguy.com and watch the free video presentation on that website. of course, learning how to handle and preventarguments is only a small sliver of what you need to learn to save your marriage. i mean,what if your marriage is in seriously dire straits? what if your spouse has already announcedthat they want to leave you? how do you convince him or her to give the marriage a second chance? to answer these questions, you need to understandthe core reasons why your marriage is failing to begin with. is there a key disagreementyou two share? do you lack common interests

and the passion has waned? does your ideaof parenthood differ greatly than you spouse’s? these are issues that i simply don’t havetime to fit into this video, but if you subscribe to my youtube channel, i’ll be releasingthese kinds of specific videos in the coming weeks. alternatively, you can hire me as yourpersonal marriage coach and i can walk you through the process of rebuilding your marriage– for more information on my marriage coaching services, simply head over to marriageguy.com/coaching.again, the url is marriageguy.com/coaching. but let me go back to addressing somethingthat i just brought up – what if your spouse already announced they wanted a separation?what if they are dead set on leaving you? this is a very difficult situation that hasa number of possible solutions, but there

are a few rules you need to follow when yourspouse says that they want a divorce. rule #1 – do not, i repeat, do not go into“panic mode”. human beings are hard-wired to feel threatened when something significantis being taken away from them. but when it comes to trying to win back a spouse, hittingthe panic button will often times make things worse, and this erratic behavior can pushyour spouse further away even faster. as difficult as it is at the moment, you must maintaincomposure… even if all you want to do is cry and scream. rule #2 – buy time. when your partner announcesthat he or she wants to move on, believe me, they have thought it through. there’s nothing,at that point, that you can do or say to convince

them otherwise. so the best thing to do inthis situation is to try and buy as much time as possible. why? well, for a few reasons.for one, you allow your spouse to cool down. your spouse probably had a difficult timeannouncing that they wanted a divorce or separation, – they’re likely very emotional, and thus,now is not the time to berate them about their issue. if this has already happened, that’sfine, but you need to stop the begging, plead, and overemotional outbursts. second, buyingtime allows you to come up with a solid plan for saving your marriage. again, marriageis a complex topic that i cover immensely in my mend the marriage program. mend themarriage is a premium e-course that teaches everything you need to know to rebuild yourmarriage from the ground up. for more information

about this program, just visit marriageguy.com. rule #3 – tell them you understand, butyou’re willing to go the extra mile. you must validate your spouse’s concerns. heor she thinks that there’s a serious issue in your marriage and there’s no point tryingto talk them out of it at this point. tell them that you understand, but you’re willingto give your marriage a fair shot. they may or may not disagree with you at the time,but you need to make it known that you will be willing to put forth the extra effort. rule #4 – give your spouse a little space.it may be difficult right now, but for the next few days, give your spouse some breathingroom. give them some time for their emotions

to settle. at the same time, you also needspace for your emotions to settle as well. (break) out of all of these rules, it’s importantto remember rule #2. buying time is essential to saving a marriage because it allows youtime to figure out how to best plan to save your marriage. again, please hit the subscribebutton to get more videos over the course of the next few weeks on marriage-saving topics. there’s another key issue that all marriagesface that i’d like to talk about in this video, and that’s complacency. yes, complacencyis the deadly disease that can absolutely destroy the best of marriages, and, when leftuncheck, complacency can lead to divorce in

a matter of months. i know this because i’veseen it happen. in between trying to manage living expenses, work, stress, and maybe evenchildren, making an effort to spend quality time with your spouse can take the back seat.i mean, it’s okay every one in awhile… after all, life can get pretty hectic, butwe simply cannot let ourselves go and we cannot let ourselves forget about the most importantperson in our life. here are some simple actions that can takeright now to make sure that complacency doesn’t creep it and further destroy your marriage. complacency killer tip 1 - force a meaningfulconversation every once in awhile. having an open, honest, and respectful conversationon a regular basis can help us overcome a

lot of relationship problems. ensure yourselfthat you don’t turn this conversation into a touchy subject… try and learn from eachother. ask them about topics you might not have talked about… i know this may be difficultif you’ve been in a relationship a long time, but brainstorm. there are an infinitenumber of things your spouse would love to talk about with you. complacency killer tip 2 – start being alittle selfish, in the right way. this tip probably sounded a bit weird, but what i’mreally referring to is taking care of yourself. go to the gym, eat better, and focus on makingyourself a better person…not for your spouse, but for yourself. do it for your own reasons.

complacency killer tip 3 – show your loveand affection. simply saying “i love you” isn’t enough anymore. instead, show yourspouse how much you love them with simple gestures. show excitement when you see eachother, hold hands, make eye contact, and keep that spark alive. i know this one might bea little difficult to do depending on what situation you’re in, but keep this tip inmind moving forward. complacency killer tip 4 – go an adventures.the easy thing for me to say in this segment is “plan a regular date night.” you’veprobably already heard this advice… but date nights can feel too routine as well.what you need to do is plan something extraordinary. it doesn’t have to flashy or expensive,but you need to let your imagination run wild

with this one… maybe plan a picnic at thetop of a mountain, or maybe try going on a fun atv tour. again, depending on where you’reat with your spouse, doing these things might not be an option, but you must keep thesetips in mind when things do eventually improve between you and your spouse. complacency killer tip 5 – use the elementof surprise. again, routine equals boring… especially when it comes to sex, conversation,or dates. using the element of surprise is a super easy way to destroy routine and rousepositive emotions. so let your imagination run wild with this one and surprise your loverwith something they’d never expect. of course, this isn’t a totally exhaustivelist of “complacency killers”, but it’s

a good start… again, stay tuned for moremarriage saving videos over the course of the next few weeks here. so that just about does it. i know that youprobably have a boatload of questions for me. again, please feel free to comment belowand i’ll do my very best to get back to you. and i know i’ve said a few times inthis video, but you really should check out the free video presentation on my website,marriageguy.com. in that video, i share with you even more marriage murdering mistakes,and i also reveal my step-by-step system that is guaranteed to give your marriage a propersecond chance. if you’re more interested in hiring me asyour marriage coach, then head over to marriageguy.com/coaching.

from there, you’ll learn how to registerand how to have me in your corner, every step of the way. also, be sure to give my video a quick like!it really helps me out. thanks for watching and i’ll talk with you soon!