how to get over broken heart

hey everybody and welcome to a new segmenti’m calling…. okay i don’t have a title for it yet. what i want to do is answer more of your questionsbecause i get a lot of them every week but i only answer one during ask cristen. so whatever this will be called is more ofa casual q and a. let’s get to some questions, shall we? first up, trudi bell asks, i would like toknow more about why society considers behaving childishly or having childish things is inappropriatefor adults. one of the most important things i personallythink and that i have found in my work that

we can take with us and should take with usis that sense of childlike curiosity. the moment we stop wanting to learn, i think that’sa very dangerous point to get to. once you stop asking those questions why, then theworld becomes a lot more rigid. i also encourage to approach this idea ofbecoming an adult with a sense of childlike curiosity. right now it seems like you havea pretty rigid sense of what it means to be a grownup, that it’s very boring and thatwe go to bed early, god i love going to bed early, that there’s no fun left in the worldwhatsoever and that’s not true in my experience. i would encourage you that yes you can stillbring a lot of childlike glee with you into adulthood but to not be scared of adulthoodeither. if you are brave enough to step up

to that daunting prospect of being responsiblefor yourself, then the world can still surprise you. fytj recently found herself in a bit of apickle at a party and is now wondering whether her guy friends are really friends at all.‘so it occurred to me that [these certain guy] friends in question are old fashioned.they keep sitting girls on their laps like they are in mad men and i realized that ifi were to say something, they would’ve been like “if you don’t want us to notice yourass, why do you wear tight jeans?” do you have any tips on dealing with this type ofsituation?’ i consulted professor boyfriend on this onebecause unlike me he has been a young guy

at a party. he suggested that in that specificcontext of being at a party, drinking is going on, your guy friends are starting to act afool, rather than directly engaging about how, yeah it’s not okay for them to makethose kinds of comments to you and objectify you in that way, diffuse it with a simple,‘you need to learn how to handle your liquor’ and walk away. if you just turn around andpoint out that he really is making himself look like a jerk, he’s probably going tocheck himself before he re-wrecks himself. my follow-up question to professor boyfriendwas well what about when everyone is sober and guys are still acting like this? if theymake the comment about, ‘why you wearing those tight jeans?’

he suggested again being straightforward andsaying something along the lines of, ‘uh, i can wear what i want, why don’t you justleave me alone?’ kind of gives them nothing to work with. finally someone who would like to remain anonymouswants to know how to get over heartbreak and this is a question i get a lot and let metell you friends, there is no quick fix. we all experience withdrawal. give yourself awindow to wallow. to do all the stereotypical breakup things, eat all of the ice cream,watch all of the rom-coms, but then let that window close. the last time i went through a heartbreak,i’ll be honest, it was painful sometimes

to get out of bed. and i cried, and i scream-criedand i cried in my shower. i cried so much in fact that my neighbor at the time camedown to check on me. and i let myself feel it and i let myselfwallow and then i got myself up. i made myself jog, go to yoga, cook good meals for me thatwere healthy and delicious, and once you get over that initial hump, your brain startsto go back to normal. in a nutshell my advice for anyone who hasfallen in love and gotten their heart smashed into a million pieces, resist the urge tojust fast-forward through the pain, allow yourself to feel it, validate the existenceof this relationship, validate the existence of your love for this person, validate everythingthat you gave to that person, just don’t

let the grief become you. you were a special and unique person whenyou walked into this relationship and you’re still a special and unique person leavingit. the best thing that you can do to mend yourselfafter that heartbreak is to focus on how you can make that special and unique person thebest that you can be. those are all the questions for this week,let me know what you think about this new potential segment. keep the questions comingand i’ll see you next time. bye!