letting go of a relationship

hi everyone! this video isgoing to be about grudges and forgiveness, and ways of lettinggo of grudges and forgiving others. holding a grudge towardssomeone is something we've all done to some degree. someonebetrays us, lies to us, abuses us, does us harm, and we putthat against them and hold a negative attachment to what theydid wrong inside ourselves. this negativity that we hold thatwas brought about by this other person often is held for alifetime. we can hold this negative attachment for ourentire lives. because of this

negativity and resentment wehave inside ourselves, it ends up causing us problems andinterfering with our lives and preventing us from letting goand forming better connections. we may instead avoid events andpeople that we see a resemblance of the grudge we hold towardsothers. a grudge is the opposite of empathy, compassion, andforgiveness. instead of feeling a compassion for the personand forgiving them for what they did, regardless of what we did,we instead hold it against them and blame them. a grudge existssimply because we have not

gotten closure from theexperience. we have not had our own compassion and comfort fromthe person that did us wrong. we expect them to show compassionto us so we can forgive them, yet we lack in showing themcompassion for what they did and instead hold a grudge. we maysay we can forgive and forget, and the truth is, many of us donot forgive the other person. and even if we do, while we maynever forget in the sense that we would not have memory of whathappened, we would still hold negative attachments to thememory of what other people did

to us and still want compassionshowed to us for the other person's wrongdoings.so, how can you forgive? i'll discuss that now. in order to forgive someone youhave to let go of grudges and negative attachments you have.this in itself is a multi-step process. to do this, firstrecognize the grudge. think about an event that happenedthat you feel as though you are still holding negativeattachments to or that you hate the person and cannot forgivethem. truly immerse yourself in

the event so you can rememberexactly how you felt as it occurred. when you do this,emotions will be brought back. anger, disappointment, sadnessare all common when thinking back to this memory. this iswhat you have to do since you are going back to thecore issues and feelings and addressing them. next, realizethe impact it is having on your life. often times grudges thathave been with us, buried inside us interfere with our daily lifeand decision making. perhaps we were wronged in a relationship.as a result, this grudge and

negative attachment we hold isof what the person did to us, perhaps being betrayed,abandoned, cheated on. we then develop a fear of those themesand try to resist it which may negatively impact our life.we may not be able to be in a relationship because of thoseintense fears we have that we have been harboring withinourselves. so, recognize the impact the grudge is having onyour life in the present. after you have completed these, youcan then work on letting it go and forgiving. so, let go ofregret. regret and blaming

oneself go hand in hand. forinstance, perhaps you regret ever getting to know someonebecause they betrayed you, which you still hold against them. youhave that regret within yourself and often blame yourself foryour actions. "how could i be so stupid to let them into my life?it was so obvious they would betray me." let that regret goand learn to forgive yourself, which is another crucial step.yes, even if you don't feel as though you did anything wrong,forgive yourself for any pain this event caused you, anyobsessive thoughts, negative

behavior, whatever else. perhapsforgive yourself for regretting being involved with the person.forgive yourself for seeing things negatively that led upto this event. whatever else you feel as though you shouldaddress within yourself first. next is to forgive withoutneeding forgiveness in return. in other words, don't expect theother person to admit they were wrong before you forgive them.perhaps if we did something wrong, we often do not wantto admit that we were wrong. perhaps we did somethingthat caused the other person's

behavior. and, instead of takingthe blame ourselves, we say that the other person did it as welland put all the blame on them, not taking responsibility forour own actions, expecting them to make the first move atapologizing. yet, they have the same exact theory and thoughtsin their mind. the only way is to see what you did wrong. don'tfocus on what they did, focus on yourself and take responsibilityfor your actions. when you can admit that you were wrong, andforgive them, you will have no need for them to also forgiveyou in return. this is because

true forgiveness is aboutletting go. you don't expect anything in return. after thatis all done and over with, the final step is to move on. youhave addressed the grudge, you have forgiven, now it's timeto move on and form better connections with people. at thisstage, your grudge no longer has an effect on your behavior.you've successfully moved on, forgiven, and forgotten aboutit. as was mentioned earlier, you will not necessarily begetting rid of the memory, but rather letting go of thenegative attachment

you had towards it. so in conclusion, keepinggrudges is unhealthy, primarily for the fact that we hold itagainst the person who did us wrong and it can negativelyimpact other areas of our life and we may not even be aware ofit, preventing us from living to our full potential. forgivenessis key, no matter how damaged we were after the incident sinceforgiveness allows us to let go of how the negative memoryaffects us and move on. i hope this video was informative andhelpful. thanks for watching!