getting over a married man

hello, hello, everybody. stefan molyneux fromfreedomain radio. oh, it's december 31st 2012. i hope you're doing well. this is going to be a show on why men don'twant to get married. you selfish, selfish, bastards. just before we start, i want tomention it's been a fantastic year for the show. i've spoken all over, north and southamerica, many, many times. the show has been downloaded or viewed 14, 15 million times-- million times. this is a significant spatter paint point of light consolation of laserprecision surgery philosophy flaying down on the world and lighting up the foreheadsnot with bullets but with the barb shots of glowing fluorescent truths. and it is dueto you, the success of this show.

the success is only going to continue thiscoming year with a whole bunch of stuff that i'm working on with a bunch of partners, andso it's all going to be continuing and thank you, thank you, thank you. but, i mean, ijust want to be frank that it does get a little frustrating at times. i hope you will bearwith me, and i hope that you will not take this personally. it does get a little frustratingat times because i do ask for 50 cents a show. that's not a huge amount. the show is downloadedmillion, a million and a half times a month so clearly i should be sitting on a huge amountof money which i can use to grow and spread philosophy. i'm not because the donation ratesstill hover around about 2% of listeners. now, look, come on. i mean, i'm not tellingyou anything you don't know. i'm just reminding

you of what you do know which is that -- it'snot my point studying philosophy and then not acting with integrity. that's the deal.i put my 30,000 hours of work in philosophy and all my education and all of my talentsand skills and abilities such as they are to the sole purpose of spreading philosophyin the world. i get up at four o'clock in the morning to take flights with a three-year-oldso that i can go and give a speech. i don't really charge for my, at least very rarely,and even then it's not very much because i want to make sure that i get the word outto as many people as possible. i mean, i'm working pretty hard. i'm workingpretty hard at this. i stay up until two o'clock in the morning finishing a book for someonei'm going to be interviewing so that i can

speak with some vague intelligence about thetopic. i answer i don't know how many emails a day. i have conversations with people onthe side to help them with philosophical issues and issues in their life. so i'm working prettyhard at the show. so when you download a podcast, you're kindof downloading the fruit of all of that of -- i guess i'm 46 now. i got into philosophywhen i was about 16. so 30 years of really continual study and so on about how to makethe truth writable and visible in our lives. now, you get that at the click of a buttonand if you've downloaded a bunch of shows -- i mean, look, if you've downloaded fiveshows, don't bother sending me $2.50 after paypal. anyway... but if you've downloadeda bunch of shows, if you've shared a bunch

of shows, if you've watched a bunch of videos,if you've read of books, again all free, all the fruit of many, many, many, many hoursof research and thought and writing and polishing and editing and designing book covers andaudio book reading and so on, if you have consumed the effort, you need to do the rightthing. you need to do the right thing. we need to show, i don't know, scientologyor we need to show a religious sect or whatever that we can have at least 10% of the integrityof the superstitious and the cultish. that's all. that's all. if you get donations up to10% of listeners, well then there would really be no stopping the show. i mean, if you thinkthe show is helping to spread the word of philosophy, then get behind it from a financialstandpoint. if you don't have any money, just

sharing and talking it up and so on. i mean, this is more than a show, right? weknow that tens of thousands of people have stopped spanking their children because ofthis show. tens of thousands of people have stopped spanking and aggressing against theirchildren because of this show. that changes the course of the dna of the species. youunderstand that this is not entertainment. hopefully, it's entertaining, at least attimes, but that's what you're contributing to. even if you've got everything that you wantto get out of the show, it is helping to spread it to new people. you send somebody the factabout spanking or the story of your enslavement

or the money that is sold abroad is you orwhatever it is, a book, you send it to them, for many people it begins that path whichtakes them to the enactment of the non-aggression principle fundamentally in their own livesand that is essential. that is essential. there's no other way to do it. the concept of the voluntary family that relationshipswith parents are -- when everyone is an adult are voluntary, fantastic, essential. there'sno single thing that can improve the quality of any relationship than the introductionof voluntarism into that relationship. this is statistically well-known. when no-fault divorces came in -- whateveryou may think of them -- when no-fault divorces

came in, female suicides declined by 20% overthe long run and abuse against women declined by a third -- declined by a third -- physicalabuse against women declined by a third when the marriage became more voluntary. well, if relationships with parents are voluntary,child abuse will decline even more substantially than that. i mean, the law can't do it. childprotective services can't. i mean, that can happen. society sure as hell isn't doing muchto stop it. but if the concept of adult relationships with parents being voluntary which means ifyou love them, you love them, if you don't love them, you can't fix them, you can choosewhether to stay or to go. in the same way that if you're abused by a spouse, by a husbandor a wife, then you can choose to leave and

we all respect and perhaps even applaud thatchoice to get out of a vicious, toxic and dangerous relationship. voluntarism within the adult parent relationshipis the single biggest concept they can spread to reduce child abuse. i'm not making thisup. no-fault divorce which is much less of a powerful idea, they're obviously very beneficialin many ways. no-fault divorce, one-third reduction in physical abuse against women. imagine what the world would look like ifwe had a one-third reduction. even just, i think it would be more but it's just a one-thirdreduction in child abuse or at least physical abuse towards children, it would be astonishing.it would be astonishing and truly the first

giant glowing godzilla step towards the mountainof a free future. if you're consuming -- i'll stop lecturingand i apologize for this. if you've listened, thank you, thank you, thank you. if you'vedonated, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. but if you've consumed withoutcontributing, come on. freedomainradio.com/donate, just do the right thing. that's what philosophyis all about. do the responsible thing. help spread the word. okay. so let's get on to the topic of todaywhich is why don't men want to get married? the girl writes what! is always provocativeand interesting to listen. she was talking about how monogamy, a monogamous lifelongmarital relationship is generally to the benefit

of women because from a pure biological standpoint,men's reproductive value goes up over time as they gain resources and so on and the declinein sperm quality, if you're not french, is actually not too bad, at least compared towhat happens with the ovaries and eggs for women. a woman's reproductive value declines overtime, a man's reproductive value increases; and therefore, monogamy is really to the benefitof women, for the benefit of women. she makes that case and she also just sort of pointedout that if marriage is so negative towards women, why is it the women are constantlycomplaining that men don't want to get married? it's true. it is true. the proportion of menwho are never married has gone up like five

or six times over the past 30 or so years.of course, women having children out of wedlock is massively high. it was in the single digitsin the early 1960s and now for women under 30, it's over 50% -- over 50%. in some places,in some truly red-light districts of america, 80% to 90% of children are growing up withouta father. now, certainly, it's true particularly inthe black community that generally unjust incarceration has to do with that. certainly,in terms of the drug war and so on. but as a significant portion of "absent fathers"who just live around the block... there's a lot of socioeconomic causes for all of these,but i don't think it's that essentially to get into this. just some thoughts that i'vehad and some research that i've done about

why men don't want to get married. it's avery, very interesting question. one thing that's fundamental, of course, isthat marriage is something that was taken over by the state. so when people rebel againstmarriage or say, "well, it's just a piece of paper," and so on, well, okay, it involvesa piece of paper now but marriage predated the state significantly. so don't make themistake that statists make. they say, "well, the government took over the roads and thereforewithout the government, there'd be no roads." that's really quite mad. that's like sayingthe government pays physicists now and therefore without the government, there'd be no physicallaws and everything would be a weird kaleidoscope of nothingness.

not particularly believable but don't makethe mistake of thinking that because the government has come up with something, it now becamea statist. i mean, they're just taking over something. the reality, of course, is that marriage isfundamentally around children. what that means is because as a species, we are ridiculouslyslow to mature. the first year of life is sometimes called the fourth trimester, right?so we give birth to our young as a species way too early -- way too early. horses canwalk within a day or two of being born. babies, it takes ten months or a year. we're born ridiculously prematurely and thereason we're born ridiculously prematurely

is we have these ridiculously large headsor, in my case, ridiculously squared large heads. so we have to be born at that timebecause if our heads get any bigger, we simply won't be able to fit through the birth canal,right? the woman would explode, i think, is a technical phrase. we're born ridiculously early, ridiculouslyunderdeveloped and it takes a quarter century for our brains to reach full maturity afterbirth. of all the mammals, we have -- perhaps elephants accepted -- but we have the greatestneed for massive investment of resources to bring a child to maturity. so if you're going to have a child with someone,then there is a kind of contract, right? if

you're going to say, "you and i are goingto have children together. well, if we're going to make the this decision to bring thislife into the world, that's going to take us 20 or 25 years to bring to maturity, well,i need to know that you're going to stick around and do this thing together." it's a contract. at a base economic, biologicallevel, i mean, it's a very, very important contract. i mean, being a parent is -- thoseparents know it's a massive amount of unpaid, underappreciated sometimes fought againstlabor, massive amounts of "inconvenience," getting up at all hours of the night and it'svery, very expensive in money and other resources. i think it's about a quarter mil to bringa kid to maturity now and that probably hasn't

changed much in terms of relative resourcesforever, right? you're getting into a massive long-term elementallyessential deal with someone, and nobody would think of entering into a 20-year deal to developreal estate without a contract that was enforceable. the contract is for the person and absentof the person, the contract is for the resources. so if the person leaves, he's still responsiblefor bringing food and shelter to his children and so on. so that's the reality of what marriage isall about. marriage is fundamentally a contract between two fertile adults to band togetherto raise children, to commit each other to raise children. the reason, of course, thisgoes on for your life rather than saying,

"well, we'll raise children then we'll splitup," is that from a biological standpoint, grandparents are incredibly important andincredibly effective. studies have been done which show that menopausetends to hit when the value of caring for grandchildren exceeds the value of incrediblyaging eggs that a woman may be carrying so grandparents are essential. in terms of bandingtogether to reproduce the dna, primary parenting of your own kids is essential but then stayingtogether to be there for the grandkids is also very essential. so marriage, as a ceremony, as a commitment,is a public declaration of the intent to stay together for life and at the very least tostay together for the raising of children

and with any ideal sort of -- to the raisingof grandchildren and then, of course, to be there for each other in old age and its infirmitiesand so on. that's the contract. the way that it's generallyenforced was through social pressure. obviously, there were religious elements and it was asin to get divorced and so on, but there were also social elements like divorcees where-- well, people who started talking about divorce were kind of pushed back. i was thinkingof that scene in the movie with ray liotta, goodfellas, where he's talking around withsome ho and the boys all sit down with the guy and say, "you got to get back to yourwife. she's the mother of your children. go and have your fun if you need to, but yougot to get back together with your wife."

so when you got married, you were stakingyour honor, your reputation on a public declaration of "this is it. i'm together forever withthis person." that public declaration was important because then, if you talk aboutbreaking up, people say, "no. you made a public declaration. you have children. you have responsibilities.so suck it up and deal with your marital problems," as opposed to you go on four days with someoneand then you say, "bye. i don't think it's going to work out." people are like, "okay.well, sorry about that but..." the public declaration is "this is my intention.this is my honor. this is my..." and this is what you did as a man and as a woman, youstayed and you worked it out. the reality is that people who get divorced statisticallyare -- they end up the same if not worse off

in terms of happiness. if you're going throughmarital problems, some people get divorced and some people sort of hang in and try andstick it out. people who get divorced don't end up happier than people who stick it outand 60% of the people who stick it out in a rough patch of the marriage, five yearslater, they report being in a happy marriage. solved the problems. moved on. whatever transition.what's going on has been resolved, has been dealt with. except in the cases of abuse and so on, imean, it's pretty immature to get divorced because it's -- you can work it out. you canwork it out. it's bad either way, right? if you can work it out and you get divorced,then that's really bad. i mean, if there are

kids in particular, it's really, really bad.otherwise, it's just bad. you just broke up a marriage and you didn't need to. it wouldhave been better off if you hadn't. but if you get divorced for "dissatisfaction" ormarital problems or conflicts, not an abusive one, and there are kids involved, then that'sincredibly selfish. of course, in the past, it was known thatthis was incredibly selfish and a person's reputation and their social standing, it'sgoing to plummet. they may be ostracized or whatever it is. there are lots of very powerfulstuff that goes on in the society to -- if the government steps out social strength,that social power steps in which is fundamentally much more effective and responsive to thesesituations than any kind of bureaucrat with

his armed friends. but, of course, if you say, "well, i haveto flee this situation because the husband or the wife was abusive," well that's, ofcourse, much understandable but then, of course, you do face the problem of you chose to getmarried and have children with somebody who was abusive. that, of course, is a problemfor you and it's a problem for your entire community like how your friends and familystrongly step in and intervene, "what the hell happened in your childhood that led youto think that this kind of stuff was normal?" anyway, and we went through this whole experimentin the '70s. i've heard 300%, i've heard 600% increase in the number of divorces. in fact,i think it's in malta, they recently -- no,

sorry. at some south american country, pardonme for not remembering what it is, chile, uruguay, chile maybe, they finally put inno-fault divorce and divorce rate now is 80% and has been for some years because therewas a backlog of people who really were desperate to get divorced who are now -- and this is,of course, happened in the '60s. there was a massive increase when no-fault divorce camein. now, for those don't know, no-fault is, priorto no-fault, you could get divorced, you were allowed to get divorced by the state if youcould prove adultery or abuse then you could get divorced. people would lie, of course,tell these false things and so on and this changed to no-fault in a wide variety of differentplaces and a wide variety of different times.

like in the past, you've seen at the parliament,you had to get an act of parliament to get divorced in canada and then no-fault divorcecame in. no-fault divorce is you can just say, "i wantto get divorced." you don't have to prove any wrongdoing on the part of the other person.you don't have to prove that they were abusive. you don't have to prove that they were a drunk.you don't have to prove that they were man-whoring their way across the continent of willinglysplayed genetic dna legs. you could just say, "i want to get divorced," and you just haveirreconcilable differences. now, the significant majority of divorce islike two-thirds, i guess 66%, 70%, are initiated by women and the number one reason is dissatisfaction.that's something when we talk about why men

don't want to get married, that has somethingto do with it. divorce is a far more serious commitment regarding infinitely more seriousmatters than a mortgage, say, or a buying a car. they put in some 20-year mortgage, i mean,you get married at 30, you live to 80, that's 50 years. a little bit more significant thanshoveling money at a bunch of banksters. so you can just decide to unilaterally end themarriage contract without proving any wrongdoing on the part of the other. of course, in general, the courts will sidewith the woman and the man can be kicked out of his house. the woman can make false accusations.it does happen, tragically. statistics seem

quite clear that that, i mean, if you justtalk about rape, i mean, close to 40% of rape allegations are disproven. and, in fact, ini think 20%, 25% of them, the accuser withdraws her accusation. i mean, this is just completelytragic. in a sane society, there will be incrediblesocial sanctions and legal sanctions against false accusations, but the woman can cry thatthere's something bad going on. the man can be basically kicked out of his own house ina moment's notice of the shared house and his access with his children will be severelycurtailed. and this can all happen very quickly and there's a legal aspect of it which, ofcourse, is pretty terrifying for men. there's also the social aspect of it whichis that generally the single moms and so on,

and the media will portray this as heroic,flinty, courageous grapes of wrath style heroines who are just trying to do the very best undervery difficult circumstances that they had no hand whatsoever in creating it. i mean,this is just the general mythology, either the men are useless and women are heroic.i mean, it's just the stuff that's been pounded in for a couple of generations now, i thinkat least two generations. we've come a long way from all my sons or leave it to beaveror whatever. we'll get back to that in a sec. the risks that the man faces where a womancan just decide that she doesn't want to be married to him anymore and she can go to alawyer and she can have him kicked out of his house and she can take his money for thenext 20 years and she can restrict access

to his children, she can accuse him of allthese things which he then has to try and disprove which is a pretty impossible standard.so there's a significant risk for men in these areas of getting married. i mean, look, i understand marriage is notperfect for women in its current state. i get all of that. we're just talking aboutthe male perspective or maybe we're talking about my perspective on the male perspective.i can't speak for men, but i can only sometimes speak for myself but that's pretty negative. i did a podcast about parenting sucks whichmeans statist parenting sucks and statist marriage kind of sucks too. because parentingsucks, so the man is signing up for getting

the worst aspects of parenting with the riskthat his wife might just find someone else and destroy his life. and, of course, theproblem of spousal abuses is significant. spousal abuse appears specifically to be evenlysplit in that women's abuse against men is roughly proportional to men's abuse againstwomen but, of course, you really don't see a lot of female abusers in the media or inthe cultural arts or anything like that because again this idea that women are heroic victims,this hangover of the tony soprano, my mother was a saint kind of delusions, it's just sostrongly entrenched for fundamentally reasons of political and economic power. you can portrayyourself as a victim in a statist society, you get resources.

all of the propaganda about women and thepropaganda about men, the positive propaganda about women, the negative propaganda aboutmen, i mean, it's fundamentally about evoking pity which is what sociopaths like the most.as an emotion, it's one that leads you to be most susceptible to manipulation and exploitation,but it's fundamentally about using the state to transfer resources and the best way todo that is to evoke pity, which is why you're always robbed from because you care aboutthe poor, you care about the sick, you care the old, you care about the poor childrenand so on, which of course we do. but in a statist society, the art followscommerce, right? the commerce of trading, the blood money of politics is the creationof the victim and this is why a woman's role

in the cycle of violence that women abusemore children than men do and that women choose to have children with bad men, that womenchoose to have children without men around and all of the incredible negative consequencesof that. i mean, children growing up without fathers. growing up fatherless is the single biggestdisadvantage you can conceivably give a child. it's more significant than race, more significantthan money, more significant than neighborhood, more significant than culture. it is the mostsingle destructive thing you can do to a child is raise him or her without a father. so i think there's a sort of calculation ofrisks that goes on. okay, so why men don't

want to get married? well, because marriageand parenting -- marriage is very risky and parenting kind of sucks because we've gottwo people working in particular that's -- you get the worst aspects of parenting. it's justnot that appealing. there's a big risk, big downside, potential -- it can mess up yourlife, like seriously mess up your life. guys get divorced or prone to all kinds of physicaland psychological problems. it's horrible. it's a wreck. it's a mess. what's this wonderful brass ring? a monopolyon sex? well, it's true that married men have more sex than single men, but it's not likesex is unavailable to the single men. you can have sex if you're a single man. you caneven live with a woman if you're a single

man without getting into the complicationsof marriage. but in terms of really settling down and having children, hugely risky, hugelyproblematic, not that appealing in terms of you're going to get your kids to go to bedafter a hard day at work and it's not any kind of fun. the downside and the risk and so on is really,really, really, really challenging, really problematic. and you know, marrying into abunch of crazy in-laws if they're crazy is just not that appealing. so at the same time,of course, not getting married has become even more appealing because you have the videogames, you have pornography, you have more disposable income. for a lot of young men,you have cheaper travel. recreational drug

availability is very high. this sort of max and laddie perpetual adolescencesituation which men are often berated for and they're just not growing up, they're notassuming their responsibilities, which generally translates in a statist society, not assumingyour responsibilities means not producing stuff that i can steal from you. generally,it's what it means, you see. put the translation out to be clear to people. so the appeal of not getting married and havingchildren has gone up enormously. the recreational lifestyle available to men is huge and significantand so on. if you're reasonably good-looking and reasonably socially competent, romanticand competent men, then you shouldn't be hugely

short of winning sexual partners and so onso you get all that, a variety in all that, which, you know, i mean, i'm a married guyso for coming on for ten years, the variety is, trust me, highly overrated, highly overrated.but it certainly has its appeal when you've not tasted the deep wine of the alternatives. but i think most fundamentally, most fundamentally,i speak from deep personal experience here so i hope this makes some sense but if itdoesn't, i apologize but still donate please. well, when i was growing up, i would say thatthere was almost no more foreign concept than the idea that a man had any kind of utilitywithin the family. that was about as weird an idea as you could think of, as you couldimagine.

when i was growing up, a father's men wereportrayed as buffoons. i mean, okay, if you wanted to drive a car and have it turn intoa submarine and take out a russian nuclear submarine with poison tip batwing missilesor something, then obviously a guy was going to be you man and james bond was his nameand that was all. but assuming that wasn't your daily vocation,the idea that a man had any kind of fundamental utility to a family, to a woman was incomprehensiblebecause you almost never saw it. you almost never saw it. women were competent, more attractive,cockier, and women put up with men. that was the general story of the entire culture aroundme when i was growing up. women put up with men. men were selfish. men were difficult.men were entitled. men were lazy. men were

incompetent. men were clueless fundamentally.that's the big story. it's like the woman would have a headacheand the man would still want to have sex. he'd be clueless about things. the woman wouldgo away and the dishes would pile up and he'd just sit around in his underwear picking cheetosout of his belly lint. men were clueless. men were incompetent. men were childish. menwere overgrown infants. men were needy. men were pathetic. the women put up with him."oh, i have only two real children, but i have three children, ha ha ha! bobby is sucha fool," and this continues. you look at sitcoms. of course, the women are always smart andcompetent and the men are always ridiculous. you couldn't conceivably get away with portrayingany other group with such a singular level

of malevolence without being called an unbelievableracist or bigot. like if every black character in the media was portrayed as your averagewhite male was portrayed in the media, i mean the accusations of racism would arise in merenanoseconds after the beginning of the airing of the first episode and there would be morethan accusations. they would be accurate. that would be true. or if you portrayed women or if you portrayedgays with the same singular haughty contempt and maliciousness with which men are portrayed,homophobia and -- i mean, the media would be all over you. but men particularly whitemen, of course, are the group that can be regularly slandered and portrayed as idiots,fools, needy, malicious, mean, destructive,

entitled, foolish, irresponsible. and that is something that was just -- itwas omnipresent. it was omnipresent that women were brusque and competent and sensible andwomen cared about other people and women were interested in making sure that everyone washappy, and the men were just blundering around like bulls in a china shop wrecking thingsand needing things and wanting things and pointing at things. basically, it was likeliving with a fairly large, pretty smelly drunken bear that wanted to copulate withyou on a regular basis. this is how being a father, being a husband,being a family man was portrayed over and over and over and over and over and over andover and over and over and over and over and

over and over again, relentless. propaganda,of course. and women had to be portrayed as heroic and women had to be portrayed as victims,as long suffering as putting up with men because women as a whole needed a huge amount of stolenresources to provide for the children they had irresponsibly had with incompetent orabsent fathers. it's just a bait and switch. it's a smash and grab, right? i mean it's still omnipresent. so the goodwife is actually a pretty good show, julianna margulies and chris noth and some other really-- christine baranski and some great actress. and in it, of course, chris noth plays thehusband and the husband is terrible. i mean, he is a philanderer, he sleeps with hookers,he does drugs, he's a politician. he's just

terrible, terrible all around. so she kickshim out and her children who statistically would go to pot figuratively really are doinggreat. they're wonderful children, fantastic, handling the divorce with greater plum andso on. they don't act out, they don't get bad grades, they don't do anything bad orwrong. everything is just peachy keen. and she's a struggling heroic single mom. and so what value does a man bring to thefamily? what value? i mean, if you're a dude, just look in the mirror. what was i told wasmy value to the family? were there shows wherein a selfish woman divorced a decent enough manand wrecked the life of her children and then had to beg him to come back because she onlygot everything that he was bringing to the

table after she kicked him out? it's not animplausible story. it happens every day. well, the first half of it happen every day, thousandsof times. did you ever see that story? did you ever see what happens to a family whena father is kicked out or is absent and that the woman was behaving badly? it's the samestory but i just want to point this out. how many times were men portrayed positively?and i don't mean and then women were portrayed negatively but if there's going to be dramatictension, then one person has to be acting badly than the other at least in the moment.so was it at least 50/50? did you see the stories of the selfish and destructive womenwho made decisions, who couldn't be reasoned with and who destroyed their own familiesthrough this selfishness? well, no, of course

not. you should see that at least 50/50. every time a woman is abusive, that has tobe explained away. every time a man is abusive, it's causeless. again, this is something wedon't even notice. it's so pervasive. but as a man, did you feel essential to the family?you are essential to the family. statistically, factually, scientifically, you are absolutelyessential to your children; that your presence and your absence in your children's livesis the single biggest determining factor as to their success or failure in life. do youknow that as a man, that you are absolutely essential to your children? do you know thata woman is the very safest in a marriage? because marriage is always portrayed as dangerous,right? oh, it's dangerous in a marriage, you

see, because the man might beat you up, theman might be a drunk. you aren't responsible for choosing him but hey, the man is dangerous. and then, of course, for the woman it's like,"i'm free. if i get out of the marriage, then i get to date these sensitive, artistic, sculptor-typeswho are slightly graying, slight older who awaken my sexuality," all this nonsense thatgets us on in this mess. i mean, do you know as a man that your wife is the safest shecan be in a committed marriage with you? that's the safest place for a woman to be; that youare essential to your wife's safety, protection, security. do women know that? if you're worried about abuse, well you'refar more likely to get it from a live-in boyfriend

or a date, an acquaintance, a boyfriend far,far almost infinitely less likely to get it from a husband. a husband and a marriage isthe safest place for a woman to be. do you see this story where the woman divorces thehusband because she is dissatisfied, because some other woman is whispering in her ear"fufu," all of this stuff about how life is just so great outside of a marriage? she goesout and she gets beaten up and she realizes how nice and gentle and kind her husband wasand so on. but is it something that you know about? statistically, these things are all true.these are the facts incredibly hard one at the cost of countless millions of children'slives, at the cost of hundreds of thousands

of rapes and murders and assaults and violence,destruction, abuse, the holocaust of so many children's lives over the past couple of decades,past two generations. this is a very, very hard one knowledge. it's not being told tomen, of course, because the prejudice of men as essential and necessary equals is somethingthat if accepted would fundamentally change our entire society particularly our politicalchaos. so the rise in child poverty in america overthe past 30, 40 years can all be directly traced back to the breakdown in the family.there is not a problem with child poverty in the us. there's a problem with the breakdownin the family in the us. marital breakdown should be a fundamental focus of environmentalists.if you really cared about the environment,

you would focus on keeping families together. the environmental destruction that is wroughtby family breakdown is huge. it's one of the biggest factors around. you need two houseswhere you needed one. you need a whole bunch of duplicate toys. you need to drive backand forth all the time. the cost of family breakdown to the environment is unbelievablyhigh, but will you get environmentalists doing something actually intelligent to solve environmentalissues, which is to fund marital counseling? well, no, of course not. most of them areagents of the state there to increase state power and so on. but it's huge. it's a hugeeffect. crime and -- i mean, you'd go on and on. familybreakdown is, in terms of the rise in the

size and power of the state, monstrous. imean, if you dump a father, it doesn't mean you don't need additional resources. you justhave to get them from the guns of the government rather than the open hands of the father.it solves sociopathy in a generation if women would just stop breeding with sociopaths andif men would stop breeding with sociopaths too. but i don't think that we've been toldany of this fundamentally. we've been told all the complete opposite; that men are aneye-rolling additional burden for overworked and heroic women. you say that so that men don't complain. it'slike a bad boss who always threatens you with being fired, keeps you on your toes. you'renot going to ask for a big raise if you feel

like you're just barely contributing anythingand you're there at the long suffering whim of your boss who has a soft spot for you thatyou can barely understand. if you have this sort of kevin spacey-style boss who's justconstantly scorning you and putting you down, well then you're not going to be competingwith him; you're going to be exploited by him. you understand that putting people down isessential to exploiting them. you cannot exploit a man or a woman with a strong sense of theirown self-worth. that's not going to happen. and so men need to be exploited and as a result,you get married men working hard, providing beautiful things for their families who endup having to pay massive amount in taxes to

pay for the shitty choices women who havekids with idiots. but what's terrible about our society as wellis that there will be no turnaround, no apology, no admission of fault, no admission of error.there are a few. phyllis leffler, christina hoff sommers, there are some women who arebasically saying, "sorry," not that they did anything wrong but they're kind of saying,"oops." but this is the speech, of course, that men will never hear, that men are owed,that men are deserved. tell me if this strikes a chord with you at all. it goes a littlesomething like this: dear men, we are incredibly sorry. as a cultureof the society, as women, as filmmakers, as other men, we are incredibly sorry. we havebeen putting you down for years. we had been

insulting you for years. we had been denigratingyou for years. we have been caustic, we have been destructive, we have broken you downbecause we want things from you that are unjust. in order to get you to bend over backwardsfor us, we had to break your spine and we have relentlessly pounded you with insultingstereotypes, with destructive messages, with undermining clichã©s. we have pretended that we don't need you,that you are something we put up with like a farty, stinky, ancient dog kept around foryour sentimental reasons. we have exploited you and we have used you and we have thrownyou in jail for impossible standards of alimony and child support and we have regularly usedthe courts and we have regularly threatened

you and we have abused you while calling youthe only abusers. as a whole, we have done all that we can toput you down and to turn you to the service of our own narcissistic needs. we are incrediblysorry. we made a huge mistake. the evidence is in that you are essential to the family;that you are essential to the health and happiness of children; that you are essential to thehealth, happiness and safety of women; and that society fundamentally lives or dies byyour honor. we have been teaching you for decades that you have no honor, that you arepigs, that you are selfish, that you are lazy, that you're greedy, that you're immature,that you're sexually obsessed, that you're untrustworthy. and we have of course pretendedthat the money you bring into the relationship

is immaterial. the only thing that mattersis our dishes, not your work. of course, because the government will provideus all the things that you don't, you have become fundamentally much less necessary.from a resource standpoint, from a financial standpoint, we can survive as a family becauseof the power of the state without you, the father. but the children suffer enormously,sometimes irrevocably. the girls suffer because they be a pompous and arrogant and think thatthey can do it all by themselves, and the boys suffer because they get locked into astate of perpetual adolescence where they have tragically listened to the lies toldto them about manhood and femininity where they say, "well look, i guess i don't wantto be a burden. i'm clearly not necessary

to a family. in fact, i would just be anotherproblem, another straw on the back of my wife's camel load of endless chores. i'm obviouslydangerous. i'm obviously bullying, selfish, lazy, greedy, grabby. so i will not a burdenwomen. the new nobility for men and men want to doright by women, at least the vast majority, the new nobility for men is simply to notget involved in any of this stuff anymore because when you're told that you're a problem,when you're told that you're a burden, when you're told that you're a foolish, farty,family pet who's constantly knocking over all of the wonderful, beautiful, femininechina in the known universe, then what you do is you say, "well, okay, i will absentmyself from this situation because i don't

want to be an additional burden." as a result, because men, it is now consideredhonorable at a very deep level for men to not involve themselves in family life, tonot get married, to not be an additional burden, to not cause additional problems for the longsuffering women who obviously do a great job raising children without men and in fact seemvery eager to have men out of their lives because of this portrayal of men as theseselfish, scratchy slobs. well, the new heroism, the new nobility, the new honor for men isto not impose their needy and empty and grabby and destructive selves on the noble women. this is what male nobility has been torturedinto. it's changed from a recognition that

women and children need men desperately tohave a functional, healthy and happy family life and for the children to grow up wiseand mature and responsible. it has now become, well, my nobility is to not get married. mynobility, my heroism, my contribution to society is to avoid marriage and to avoid fatherhood.women have got it and i'm told that i'm just constantly a burden and i'm told that i'ma negative. so i am going to avoid that. and then as a result of that, men get a lotmore disposable income and the market changes to reflect that. the propaganda occurred beforethe market shift, right? men were portrayed as foolish parasites and so men stopped gettingmarried and men have all this disposable income because they're not getting married and they'relooking for other things to entertain themselves

with; and therefore, the market provides allof this other stuff -- the travel, the games, the porn, whatever, the toys. but the propaganda came first and the apologywill never come. nobody will ever say to you, "we are so sorry. we put you down. we humiliatedyou. we told you you were unnecessary, that you were a burden. the fact is we were completelywrong. we, as a culture, have destroyed the family and it's only getting worse. men, weneed you. men, husbands, fathers, providers, we need you. we thought we could do it withthe state and that means the children were all born heavily in debt to fatherless homes,to shitty schools, to a life of underachievement, of increased criminality, of distractedness,of lack of focus, of very little ability to

forward plan, defer gratification, all thethings that are required to be good husbands and fathers in the long run. "we are so sorry. we lie to you. we put youdown. we told you you weren't necessary and we were completely wrong. we were worse thanwrong because if you're wrong about something that's just for yourself, that's one thing.if you're wrong about something and it harms your children, it harms the children of entiretwo generations, we are so sorry. we are so sorry. we made a mistake. men, please, please,come back."